Category: Raw

Raw

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

FanTC

How does apparel show respect?

These kids who wear jeans to church aren’t respectful!

Where did this tradition of dressing up begin? In the past, only the rich could afford fine clothes, so what does that say of our traditionalist elders?

Well, they’re showing disrespect by not wearing a suit!

But who are we disrespecting? Surely not the church building. The building doesn’t care. Certainly not God, who tells us to come as we are with all our filthy rags and faults.

Last year, I was shamed and scolded for not dressing ‘nice’ for Mothers Day. This was by my own family, of course. In fact, it was expressed that I was a ‘disappointment’ for my choice of clothing on that auspicious day. Was it because ‘everyone else’ was dressed up and I was not conforming? Was I disrespecting my mother by my apparel? I wasn’t wearing rags. I wore jeans and a t-shirt.

Rewinding to the morning of that day, I was in the bathroom staring at my reflexion in the mirror. I had been crying. It wasn’t a good morning. It was an ugly morning. No matter how I applied my makeup, or how I wrestled with my stubborn hair, or what outfit I tried on, I kept feeling overwhelming thoughts of ugliness. Now, I’ve had people tell me all my life how beautiful and pretty I was. My hair alone seems to be an envy. But, God, I was an ugly child. I had too much hair, a pointed nose, acne like some pitted monster from Mars, I was tall and gangly and shapeless, and I was clumsy to boot. I hate pictures of my younger self. I never looked on the outside how I felt on the inside. And all to soon, I began to feel on the inside the way I looked on the outside. I felt ugly.

I’ve grown up since then, become a woman. I’ve been hit on and honked at and complimented generously. But, damn. I still have ugly days. On those days, I wear clothing for comfort because I can’t make the pretty work.

Mothers Day 2014 was an ugly day. And it hurt to have my family openly shaming me for a holiday which was initiated just too generate more revenue. I was dressed modest. My pants weren’t hanging down my butt. My boobs weren’t hanging out. I was still being modest.

So how was that being disrespectful?

Do you people realize how painful your words can be?

I’m disappointed.

FanTC out.

Raw

Writer in the Raw

FanTC

Writers would rather be writing than speaking.

Is this you? Are you a shy, introverted individual on the outside who yearns to be accepted into the general society. A lot of writers feel this way, it seems, and inside that individual is a bold and adventurous spirit.

So here’s me:  ever since I entered high school, I knew I was tired of being the shy girl. I’ve always been self-motivated, not like some people are self-motivated into grand and amazing ventures, but in my own, humble way. I forced myself to talk to people. I jumped at opportunities and thought about them later. I made myself available to changes.

I’m still introverted at my core, nothing will change that. My writing voice is definitely bolder than my speaking voice. I still have nights where I turn off my phone and curl up on the couch with Doctor Who–not like with Doctor Who, but like with him on the television. Although I wouldn’t mind curling up on the couch with him…

I’m such a nerd.

I recently read a blog post about a girl who was so shy, but such a good writer, she convinced an employer she was an entirely different personalty, when in reality, she did not suit the job task because of her introverted tendencies. Props to her for those writing skills! Get it, girl! But did she jump the gun going after that job? What could she have done differently before sending out that email?

For introverted individuals, it is important to know your limits. Be honest with yourself. If talking in front of a room of college students is going to make you hurl, why are you on that stage?! Get off that stage! Take a step back and prepare yourself. First, stand up in your living room and talk to your best friend. Then invite more friend and stand up and speak to them. Choose topics you don’t know well, or don’t like. Convince yourself before you convince your audience. How does this make you feel?

The point is to build up toughness.

I have no problems speaking in public. But I started out small. I spoke up in youth group, then I became a youth leader, I started getting involved in church which required me to speak up in front of the congregation. After that, I stood up before an entire college Bible group to give my testimony. That one scared me.

I talk to people all the time. No matter where I go, where I travel, I encounter people of all walks of life. I know this might terrify some introverts, but I love it. Do you know how many stories I have heard? Do you know how many souls I’ve have had the rich pleasure of knowing? And now that I’m an author, I have people with advice and information to help me along. None of this would have happened if I had decided to remain the quiet, unfortunate little artist lost in Neverland.

Writing has helped me meet people I would normally never have the chance to. It has given me a voice to speak with people around the world in blogs and emails. Boldness has introduced me to pen pals everywhere. Taking a leap of faith granted me the opportunity to travel by train to Texas, and to leave my country for an amazing trip to Germany. I wouldn’t give up those experiences for anything.

I am a writer.
I am a traveler.
And I love people.

Open your ears once and hear someone else’s story.

Fanny T Crispin

Raw

Holidays Happen

FanTC

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After battling all morning between writing and not writing, I had initially decided not to write today. Partially because it’s a holiday. Mostly because I temporarily lost my notes for today…

But I thought I would sit my butt down and write something for the sake of the challenge. Of course, now I have foggy food brain. Don’t you just love American holidays?

There is always drama when it comes to family holidays–and that drama is doubled when there is a divorce involved. Even if both members are cordial, the guilt is a hard reality to knock. Will I hurt someone’s feelings if I go with one and not the other? Why should I be one the coordinate events because they cannot decide? And I’m done mediating. I did that enough as a child, now I refuse to be the go between. They both have their own phones, they can call–or text. How easy is texting?

It is not that awful. My parents made the divorce as civil and quiet as a divorce can be. But they are both still bitter, and the issues written above still apply.

Now it is Easter and far more important events are unfolding. Resurrection Sunday. My Savior lives.

On that happy note, fare thee well.

Fanny T Crispin.

Raw

In the Raw

FanTC
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Writing in the Raw...not that raw.

I read a lot of blogs.
A lot of blogs.
Usually the fun, entertaining ones of people rambling about their fun, entertaining lives. Mostly educational blogs involving writing, mental health living, or the latest and greatest of those blogs that becoming huge and circulate the entire planet of the English speaking cultures. You know of which I speak. You’ve probably read them, too.
I read more blogs than I admittedly realize.
You see, when you’re working at a hair salon and the phones forget how to ring and there are no clients penciled on the books, the cyberworld of blogs becomes your best friend.
Sorry, I won’t give you free hair advice. Not because I’m stingy, or uppity,
But because I can’t see what your hair looks like.
No brainer.

As a fantasy fiction writer, I often wonder what people have to write about in their average day in life. I’ve seen such posts as work drama, family drama, life events drama, boss drama, craft drama, and religious drama. A lot of stuff happens during my days….but I honest to goodness do not have the ambition to write them out. Half of the time I can’t remember what happened to start the chain of events, or how it was resolved for that matter.
I’ve always had people telling me to write about my life, but I haven’t even lived my life to know enough about writing it. Besides, I’ve tried. I can’t do it.

Ever notice how some people ramble on in their blogs? And it’s the funniest stuff you’ve ever read in your life. How do they do that? Funny stuff happens to me all the time, but I don’t write about it.
Although at work today, I made a classic blunder. My coworker asked if a client was coming in this week, because she switched her rotation to every other week. So I replied with “I feel like she called and said she wasn’t coming…”
Turned out she did come.

There are even super cool people at the salon I could write about, but I don’t.

I don’t because I know I couldn’t do it justice. Or if I forget something and try to fill it with made up drama, I feel like a liar. Because people reading it who know me (and who were there) will know that’s not how it went down.  
It’s much better to create a world of my own making in which I can do anything I please. No one will be the wiser if I forget a line and recreate it.
No one at all.

But people these days want the real deal. They want quality. They want to know there is someone just as messed up as they are or who have just as crappy jobs too. I don’t. Have a crappy job, I mean. I love my job.

Except the retail one…… Retail. Kills. Everything. (If you could read that in the evil Joker’s voice that would be great).

I think this is where today’s Christians are failing in their witness. People want to see people in the raw. Christians want to be perfect.
And let’s face it–nobody can ever be perfect.
Except Jesus. He’s awesome.
Christians strut about like painted peacocks on pretty pedistals, expecting their peers to fawn over them and their ‘lessers’ to grovel at their feet.
It’s true. I see it every day.
Catholics.
Baptists.
Evangelical.
Non denomination. Like, is that even a thing? What is that?
Oh wait….that’s me. Hah.
If Christians washed feet, visited the lonely, ate dinner with outcasts, and did not turn anyone away, they would be living the example of Jesus. If they prayed in gardens, quoted scripture, and trained up disciples, they would model His ministry.
Instead they slander ‘the enemy’, act like bigots, riot, lynch people, cuss out their neighbors, sleep around, lie, and steal.
Self-proclaimed Christians do those things all the time. Then they go to church on Sunday and sing Hallelujah.
That leaves a bad taste in your mouth, doesn’t it?

Listen, if you could do one thing–one little thing for me…don’t…don’t listen to those Christians. They’re not Christians. They are leading you astray.
They are not good people to exemplify.

If anyone causes one of these little ones–those who believe in me–to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea.

Raw

Sir Ivan’s Train Updates

FanTC

Cover Image

I realize I haven’t written a blog in awhile, but let me tell you, the rail tracks are rumbling with activity! Sir Ivan’s Train part one “Dragon King” is due to hit the market November 2015. Choo choo!

This week I finished going through the manuscript with updates and corrections. Next I’ll print it out and proofread with my handy-dandy red pen. It’s like my Sith sabersword…

Sabersword

Then off to the real editors!

Last night I was working on the artwork going into the book. This is exciting, because I never thought I would become a published author–let alone an illustrated published author. See, Aunt Janie, I AM doing something with my art! I’m liking how they are turning out. Do you want to see? I’ll give you a sneak peek. Shhh! Show your friends…

Sir Ivan's Train
Sir Ivan’s Train
Sir Ivan's Train
Sir Ivan’s Train
Sir Ivan's Train
Sir Ivan’s Train