Category: Ponderings

Ponderings

The Flower Letters #3

FanTC

If you’re reading this, you received your fourth Norah Aven Flower Letter which contains the third secret message

Listen, I’m just going to be blunt at this point…

These are fricken stupid. The author wasted 53 words and a heck of a lot of my time to say “talk to Samir Anju.”

This Uncle Jack guy is a joke. He’s wasting his niece’s precious time, while her life is in danger, I might add, to write wordy little messages with absolutely no point to them.

“Trust no one” no shit, Sherlock, you should have told her that from the beginning.

These messages are making me unnecessarily angry. But I can handle bad writing much better when I don’t have to work for it. 😆

Anyway, here you go, you lucky reader benefiting off my sweat and frustration.

This has been,

FTC

#Letter4 #TheFlowerLetters #NorahAven #TheSecretLanguageOfJack #DrJackALukens #Books #Letters #BookMail #Adventure #SecretMessage #SecretLanguage #DecoderKey

Ponderings

The Flower Letters #2

FanTC

Well, if you’ve received your third letter of the Norah Aven Chronicles, then you’ll have your second secret message from Uncle Jack.

Who is an utter prick.

Seriously, you’re writing secret messages to your niece who’s in danger and you spend your precious words writing DRIVEL???

This is what gets under my skin ever time I start decoding. It makes me UNNECESSARILY vengeful that I’m once again 10 years old at the kitchen table with a cereal box prize promising a secret message with a decoder ring and the message, after dutiful minutes of decoding is:

“Congratulations! You decoded the secret message!

And 10 year old me is sitting there burning the disappointment so deep in my brain that as I sit here, now at 33, I can feel it seeping out of the cracks to soak into my brain, dripping down my spine to fill my chest with rage.

It’s dramatic, I know. But I am nothing if not ✨dramatic.✨

So here you go, my cheat sheet. I hope you’re enjoying The Flower Letters thus far. I absolutely adore them.

Except for this part… This part can go rot in Heck.

Yours truly,

FTC

#Letter3 #TheFlowerLetters #NorahAven #TheSecretLanguageOfJack #DrJackALukens #Books #Letters #BookMail #Adventure #SecretMessage #SecretLanguage #DecoderKey

Mind & Body, Ponderings, Raw

A Letter

FanTC

We were kind of hit with a lot last year. There were stretches of whole months in which I had to put on a brave face and push forward.

But I kept going because I had to, you know? Life still demand attention to detail and calls to action. I didn’t have time to mourn my grandmother passing because we were simultaneously evicted (new management) from our housing. I couldn’t deal with that either because we were put up in temp housing so we had to constantly be on the lookout for a new place.

On top of everything, starting a new position at my job which required all of my brain power.

And we both got Covid. GW was even hospitalized.

On Christmas Eve.

So when I tell you I’m burnt out, I mean there is nothing but cold, gray ash in my soul.

We’re in a better place now.

In the back of my mind, I fretted over this sense of apathy that took root in my brain. I find no joy in my old hobbies. I instantly lose interest in books. I could sit down and force myself to read, but feel absolutely nothing.

The apathy stretches into my personal life too. I could explain it as a general disinterest in, well, everything.

I know I’m happy. I put a little energy toward the house and yard. It doesn’t last long.

I’m reminded of something my therapist said long ago. She likened our emotions to our physical body. If you’re in a car crash – a bad one – it takes months, maybe years to heal fully. There might be residual scar tissue. It’s the same for your emotions.

What I take from that now in this season of apathy is kindness.

I’m being kind to myself. The apathy isn’t something to hate. It’s a part of the healing process. I’m allowing myself to feel nothing, knowing my emotions have been battered and smashed up, and it’s going to take some time to recover from that.

I remind myself I am still happy. I’m in a happy season of life. I don’t need everything to be as full and meaningful as it once was. I just need to be present in this season, smile because it’s good, and know that joy and meaning will return to me in time.

All we have is time, after all.

This has been,

Fanny Crispin

Ponderings

Do You Even Art?

FanTC

I love how chaotic and interesting an artist’s workspace is.

There’s usually paint splatters.

Ink-blotched paper curls on tables.

Pallets of color display subtle shades.

There are other pieces of artwork, bursts of color, knickknacks, and things.

I love the look of a fully utilized studio. I love seeing dried paint on the wood floors and canvases leaning against the walls and furniture. I love that the furniture is usually unique and often old – hand-me-down or just eclectic.

There is something completely serene when entering an artist’s atmosphere. Everything you carried in slides off your back and settles to the floor. You’ll have to pick it up again before you leave, but for a few moments, you don’t feel its weight.

I would like a space like this. Not that I’m terribly artistic. I just want the atmosphere for meditation.

This has been,

FanTC