Mind & Body, Ponderings, Raw

A Letter

We were kind of hit with a lot last year. There were stretches of whole months in which I had to put on a brave face and push forward.

But I kept going because I had to, you know? Life still demand attention to detail and calls to action. I didn’t have time to mourn my grandmother passing because we were simultaneously evicted (new management) from our housing. I couldn’t deal with that either because we were put up in temp housing so we had to constantly be on the lookout for a new place.

On top of everything, starting a new position at my job which required all of my brain power.

And we both got Covid. GW was even hospitalized.

On Christmas Eve.

So when I tell you I’m burnt out, I mean there is nothing but cold, gray ash in my soul.

We’re in a better place now.

In the back of my mind, I fretted over this sense of apathy that took root in my brain. I find no joy in my old hobbies. I instantly lose interest in books. I could sit down and force myself to read, but feel absolutely nothing.

The apathy stretches into my personal life too. I could explain it as a general disinterest in, well, everything.

I know I’m happy. I put a little energy toward the house and yard. It doesn’t last long.

I’m reminded of something my therapist said long ago. She likened our emotions to our physical body. If you’re in a car crash – a bad one – it takes months, maybe years to heal fully. There might be residual scar tissue. It’s the same for your emotions.

What I take from that now in this season of apathy is kindness.

I’m being kind to myself. The apathy isn’t something to hate. It’s a part of the healing process. I’m allowing myself to feel nothing, knowing my emotions have been battered and smashed up, and it’s going to take some time to recover from that.

I remind myself I am still happy. I’m in a happy season of life. I don’t need everything to be as full and meaningful as it once was. I just need to be present in this season, smile because it’s good, and know that joy and meaning will return to me in time.

All we have is time, after all.

This has been,

Fanny Crispin

Mind & Body


It’s hard to dredge yourself out of a funk, yeah? I think so. Sometimes it feels good to sit and rot in bitterness and unmet expectations. The last thing you can think of in these moods is “positive affirmations.”

You might even be a bit like me: “These don’t work. What a lie. Why bother?”

Negative feeding more negative. I don’t expect you to be able to meditate your way out. I certainly couldn’t.

That’s why I’m sharing a guided meditation I found. The speaker encourages you to listen for 21 days.

I don’t expect you to be perfect at that either. I missed days. But sometimes I listened to the guided meditation twice or three times a day depending on how bad my mood was.

If you give it a shot, you might be surprised – and more than a little relieved – by how easy this new mindset is.

I even caught myself repeating the affirmations during a particular negative mood swing.

It helped.

Give it a try. I’ve saved the YouTube link HERE. Ignore the voice in your head telling you this is all “bunk.” That’s the same voice feeding you negative thoughts. It might be time to kick it to the curb and get some healing for yourself.

This has been,


Mind & Body


You probably don’t know this about me, but I suffer from Sciatica.

The sciatic nerve is the largest nerve running from your hip, down your butt, and through the length of your leg.


Often times, Sciatica is caused by a pinching of the spinal disk causing swelling and damage to the nerve. This results in hardcore aching pain through the hip and leg. I was getting chiropractic care for awhile, but haven’t been in a few years.

It sucks.

There are a few stretches which helps to relieve the pressure and anything you can do to stretch out the lower spine helps. I also use yoga positions (which are great overall for health.) I even use a foam roll to inverse my back. This has probably been the biggest life saver to open up those pinched disks.

Some triggers can be lawn chairs which cause you to “sit” on your waist instead of your butt, exercise without properly stretching after, or sitting too long.

When it happens, if you don’t take care of it quick, you could be stuck with all day pain and no relief. If my usual care routine doesn’t help, I resort to ibuprofen which reduces inflammation.

You only get one body, folks. Take care of it.

This has been,

Fanny T. Crispin

Mind & Body, Raw, Thoughts

Quarantine -Wait, It’s Over?

Week #11

Wisconsin is starting to open up slowly, but civilians are rushing to their regular establishments. Masks are left flapping in the wind, hand sanitizer is disregard, and there is waaaaaaaay less than 6 feet between them. Should we continue to be angry at them for breaking social distancing? I’m not sure. What do you think?

Eventually, the fear must end. Concerned individuals are still welcome to remain in the safety of their homes, but for the rest of the healthy, immune-stable folks, Corona season is over. And truly, how different was this from flu/influenza season, pneumonia season, pox, measles, mumps, cold season? (I guess colds don’t kill, but to someone with a compromised immune system, a cold could be deadly.) You know, peanuts are deadly to some people. You don’t lock yourself up for that, do you? No. You take precautions and ask people not to eat or have peanuts in your direct vicinity.

All I’m saying right now is it’s time, people. It’s time to crawl out from our caves. It’s time to toss off the fear blanket. If you’re not ready, then stay in and take care of yourself. That’s a good lesson learned from all of this. It’s up to us to take care of ourselves – despite the criticism of others and their political agenda. Even if hogging toilet paper is your self-care, I guess… We shouldn’t judge. But I will laugh at you.

Stay safe, dear readers. Get some sunshine.

This has been,


Mind & Body, Ponderings, Raw

Quarantine Week #7

I think this “empty inspiration” – as my sister calls it – is the worst mood. Have you gone periods without writing creatively in which you’re out of practice and lack motivation to start? Yet when you watch a movie or read a book, you might be jolted with sudden inspiration! So you grab a notebook, laptop, tablet and open a fresh page, document, note and…nothing. There was no substance to the mood, just empty inspiration.

I feel this more often than not because I’m not actively working on any projects. I might pick up a chapter here or there when I feel the aptitude, but nothing substantial. So I end up with more notebooks than I need filled with barely begun projects started from “empty inspiration.”

You may have noticed a lot of creativity has been borne of this quarantine. Some people are finding extra time and boredom to create art. I’ve always felt art is a result of conflict and desperation. Desperate people feel extreme emotions, and these can often translate into masterpieces. Many people are feeling extreme emotions – fear, anxiety, frustration, anger, grief to name a few. And some of us who are not so terribly off and really don’t care to watch the news are just bored.

It’s true. It’s difficult to create when you’re bored, because everything you create feels boring. It’s a viscous cycle. You might have lost interest in your favorite shows and books, and hobbies or games offer no distraction for your mind. What’s to be done about such uselessness?

I practice yoga. It’s the most productive form of nothing a body can accomplish, and it rewards a listless mind with tranquility. I don’t feel like doing anything, and yoga can sometimes feel as easy as doing nothing. This is just my alternative to boredom.

How are you coping through it all?

This has been,