Ponderings, Raw

Drifting

wpid-4085624089_73ce581daa.jpg

I’m just a traveler on this earth, Sure as my heart’s behind the pocket of my shirt. I’ll just keep rolling till I’m in the dirt, ‘Cause I’m a traveller, oh, I’m a traveller. -Chris Stapleton

If you’ve been keeping up with this blog for any length of time, you may have noticed something absent. Maybe you realized it before I did. If so, you’ve seen through my facade.

I’ve been drifting content-wise with material for the blog as well as my personal writing. It’s going to be one of those years where I struggle to come up with a post for you. Somehow I keep plugging away at that bimonthy goal, but if I were truly honest, I don’t feel the content is worth your time or mine. What are we all doing here, people? What brings us back to this space? What are we searching for?


It bums me out when I fail to get motivated with writing projects. Stories are my escape from reality and my source of entertainment, but once again I’m trapped in this bog of ceaseless daily routines. Ideas wander fleetingly through my brain. Nothing interests me. I have more than enough projects on my bookshelf, sure. But I grow weary just thinking about picking one up.

My thoughts are definitely grounded this year. I’m focusing on my feet, keeping them moving, pushing one in front of the other. Winter usually does this to me, as well as big life changes.

I’ve got some big life changes on the horizon.

You see, the reality is, I can’t escape right now. I can’t run off. I have too many pressing details which require attention. If I lose focus on those, life will slip out of my grasp and I’ll scramble frantically, wondering where the time went. Duty calls. Responsibility knocks loudly.


There are writers out there who pound away at the keys even on days when they don’t feel like it. They’ve developed perseverance. They’re persistent and disciplined. I admire them greatly. Now let’s be perfectly honest in that a lot of writers are not this dutiful. We fall into writing slumps. We let the ink dry and dust cover the pages. It’s a sad truth. And not to make excuses, but we struggle just to maintain our lives. Things fall out of balance. Frequently.

It begs the question, What is this all for?

Or more accurately, For whom?

Sometimes we forget why we’ve started this journey.

What makes you write? What do you enjoy writing? Are you in a slump now? Let’s talk about it.

This has been,

Fanny T. Crispin

Mind & Body, Raw

Personalities

I recommend you go take the Meyers-Briggs personality test over at 16 Personalities . It’s a delightful 20 minute event.

When I first took this test some 9-odd years ago, I actually came up an ENFP which is classified as a Campaigner. I didn’t really understand what that meant, except that the description fit me to a T. Later, after my parents’ divorce, I became an ENFP-T. Turbulent. Unfortunately, I never saved my results, so I can’t remember what that meant for my personality, but it has an ominous ring to it, don’t you think?

Last year, I got the bug to take the test again. I guess I always believed your personality was set in stone, even though 16 Personalities clearly states “Your personality is not set in stone.”

My results shocked me, to be honest. I stared at this new description, I imagine, with my jaw somewhere near my belly button or even my knees. What was an Advocate? I still came up Turbulent, and I feel that is due to my impending career and life-event changes, but how does a Campaigner change into an Advocate, and what does that mean for me?

I have noticed an opportunity to practice my new skillset at work, where I am above the average employee but still under the rule of management. This position advocates for the common employee, while helping to relate the rules set forth by management to the ground floor people.

It’s been fun, exciting, and a little LOT nervewracking, but I’m still growing on God’s green-and-blue Earth, and I imagine I’ll continue growing until He brings me home.


If you’ve taken the test, feel free to share your results and discuss them in the comments!

This has been,

Fanny T. Crispin

Mind & Body, Raw

Love is a Choice; Love Matters

Photo credit: http://www.beatport.com

There’s a reason we say “I love you” even when we’re angry. Just because we are experiencing intense, unpleasant emotions toward someone or a circumstance incurred by them, does not mean we don’t continue loving the people in our lives.

Love is important.

Love matters.

Anger is a natural reaction that occurs when we believe a person, object (yes, object. I get angry and punch objects all the time,) or event upsets our personal order or does us some injustice. Anger is natural. It is also dangerous. In our anger, we might do or say something brash. We lash out, pick fights, get defensive, or even go so far as allow ourselves to hate the offender.

That is why we choose to continue loving the people in our lives. That’s why when your spouse or significant other is being dumb, it’s important to say – out loud – “I love you.”

Even when you don’t feel it…

You’re letting them, and yourself, know it’s going to be okay. You remind them, and yourself, what’s really important. You speak a conviction and uphold a promise you made to them, and yourself. 

I love you.

And I always will.

Even when I don’t feel like it.

Because you’re worth the choice.”

Because you matter. 

And I love you.

*Usual disclaimers apply. Seek help in the event of unlawful abuse, mental or physical, or detriment of health is incurred on your person as an act of violence or malicious intent by someone else.

This has been,

Fanny T. Crispin

Books and Affiliated, Raw

You Do You

I don’t care that my stories or even my characters may not seem realistic all the time. I write the kind of stories I want to read, and so should you.

How often have we heard that encouragement? “Write for yourself! You’ll find readers who enjoy your work as much as you do!” But how often are we hounded by the same gurus telling us we need realistic, heart-felt, raw characters, we need ordinary, everyday issues about life and personhood addressed and resolved, we should write about current events so readers will gravitate to our work?

I struggle with this idealism to make my characters real in a real way, and yet molding them into the heroes and heroines I need to propel the plot forward. Sometimes I write characters who are bolder than I feel. Some of them are shy and morose like me. I’ve been blamed for making shallow main characters who are only moved by supporting characters. Maybe sometimes I feel shallow and can only be moved by people around me. But on the flip side, I’ve also been accused of writing unrealistically brash characters who jump into action without thinking!

There’s no placating people. Everyone has an opinion, and someone will always tell you to do the exact opposite of what you are currently doing.

So, here’s my question: What’s your opinion?


Sometimes we have to refocus ourselves to the reason we write. I’ve been writing for so long, I don’t remember not being a writer. Before I started publishing, before I even shared my work, I literally only wrote for my sister – and maybe one or two supportive friends. I also wrote…for me. I loved my stories. When I get an idea in my head, it’s so exciting. I love the thrill of adventure! I love writing about young girls who get the chance to experience magic, who talk to fairies, who aren’t bound by family but go off willy-nilly without repercussions, scoldings, or groundings. I write to free my mind from my body, and I write to satisfy these urges to hop on a plane to who-knows-where and just escape!

In reality, I really don’t want to run away from home. Yes, I want to explore this world, but that’s not financially realistic – yet. Besides, I love my home. I love my stupid town. I love all the stupid people who populate it, the just and the unjust alike. I just want to experience adventure in a safe way.

And what better way to – safely – experience it than through a good book?


If I never publish another book, it won’t break my heart. I will continue to populate my personal bookshelves with my stories, and if that sounds narcissistic to you, then YES. YES IT IS.

Here is the only time I will tell you to fully embrace narcissism. Nobody is going to love your stories as much as you do. You will never have enough fans, enough adoring Tweets and Facebook messages to compete with the love you have for your own book. And you know why that is? Because you birthed the darn screaming, pooping, puking, colicky thing. You stayed up late and woke up early. You beat your head against walls and computer desks. You were stumped by its rebellion, but you overcame its temper tantrums. You pointed a finger at the notebook or computer screen and shouted, “You’re going to behave, grow up, and become a decent book, so help me God!”

Good parents will always tell you no one will love your child more than you will. It’s the same for books. No one will understand why you put so much patience and time into a few stupid words. Some will even tell you to trash something if it’s just being too difficult.

Well, that’s not what we do around here, is it? No, sir. You pick up that sniveling, snot-faced, puffy-eyed story, wipe away its pathetic tears, give it a few pats on the butt and tell it to go play on the swingset. This is your book. And this is my book.

So let’s write like we don’t give two fudgesicles about the world and its problems.

This has been,

Fanny T. Crispin