Raw

Not Complaining

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You know when you start to post that status or that blog and all you do is complain and you know you’re complaining, but you’re going to post that status or that blog anyway? I try not to do that. One negative thread leads to another. It’s a thorny path. With no roses. I almost had a moment like that. I was writing up a storm and it was depressing. I was tired of writing that. I realized I like reading uplifting blogs, not depressing ones. How much more would I enjoy writing uplifting blogs?

***

I’m still figuring life out. I’m a young author, I still have to work two jobs. I’ve only been blogging for a few years and recently took it seriously. I’m learning and growing.

But on the topic of being young, all you single people out there who relate to the above picture, raise your hand. Yeah. That’s what I thought. Doesn’t it drive you crazy when people accuse you of being single? What if you simply don’t have time for a needy companion and you’re totally okay with it? Who are they to say you should be something you’re not? I look at the couples around me and, I gotta tell you, it looks like a lot of work. And I’m not a domestic girl either, I’m an artistic soul (which is a nice way of saying I am messy and eat ready bake pizzas on paper plates way too often).

All this to say, I’m okay with my singleness. That doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely or wish I could snuggle up in big, safe arms, I’m not saying that. But I’m happy. I’m happy when I go home and can visit with myself. I’m happy when I look at my schedule and don’t have to worry about making special time. I’m happy with and by myself. So after years of struggling and heartache and nights of loneliness and finally, finally being content with my life, why would I want to change that?

Concerned individuals, please, I don’t need a man to define myself. I already know who I am in Christ!

Free bird.

Settling. That’s a scary word. Have I settled? Sometimes I think so, sometimes the religious world says you should be making big, scary changes. It says you should dump your life and become a vagabond giving the gospel in some jungle somewhere across the world. Which is legit, I guess. It is the great commission, after all. But what if my jungle is right where I’m at?

I recently watched the new Avengers movie The Age of Ultron, which was amazing, and I turned that post-amazing excitement toward reevaluating my life. Movies that make me stretch my imagination remind me there is a spiritual battle all around us, in a plain of existence we can’t always see. So on the way home from the theatre, I was listening to KLove on the radio and Francis Anfuso came on with his snippet of inspiration. This is what I like to consider as God-moments. While I was questioning my Christianity and fruits of the spirit, Anfuso said this,

There are three questions each of us ask ourselves everyday: Am I enough? Do I have enough? Have I done enough?

Am I enough? Is fed by our insecurities, and can only be answered when we receive our Creator’s approval. Do I have enough? Is fueled by our fear of tomorrow, and our insatiable appetites. And lastly, have I done enough or not done enough? Is stirred by the guilt of unachievable ambitions. The truth is, when God is enough for me, I realize I am enough for Him, I have enough in Him, and I don’t have to do enough to please Him. He’s already pleased.

Fanny T Crispin

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